Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
