I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
