she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
