My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
