this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
