I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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