i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
