My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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