Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
