i just google imaged poop.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize