Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
