I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
