Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
