in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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