Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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