weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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