i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
