I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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