sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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