I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
