no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i think i just lost a toe
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
