After last night, I could never be a politician.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
