i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
