You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize