I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
