i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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