were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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