I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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