So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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