Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
