youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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