the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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