you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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