No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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