meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
