I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize