i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
