did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
