Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
