Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
