He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
