Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
