In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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