Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love having hate sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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