they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
