Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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