I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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