This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
