You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
