and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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