Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
