I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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