Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
