I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
