like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just google imaged poop.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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