is your mom at the bar?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
