My room smells like vodka and shame
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
