You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
