I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
