and you said cock pushups were impossible
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
