Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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