I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
