Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
