Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
