I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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