I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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